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BA Languages and European Studies graduate from the University of Portsmouth 2007

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It goes on – Jean-Paul Dubois, Vous plaisantez, monsieur Tanner (2006)

For some time I was unable to get to sleep, I could not stop thinking about work. As soon as I got into bed I would be thinking about the following day. My mind was focused and on full alert. I contemplated all the problems of the following day; supplying the site, the costs and some technical difficulty. Problems that may occur during the works to be carried out on the central heating system, for the new course of hot and cold water pipes in the kitchen and bathrooms.

I found it impossible to find a single craftsman who would carry out the two jobs because of the timescale and their availability; therefore I would have to take on a plumber to lay the water pipes and a heating engineer capable of making up for the short comings in the heating system.

I soon realised that I would be having memorable times with Emile Harang, the plumber. Without a doubt he had sensed an air of calm and leniency around the site; and with a stride in his step like a seagull soaring behind a wave. He smiled at me as one would to a close friend, and he held out his hand which seamed agitated like a fish out of water. Whenever I saw him coming in my direction I mumbled to myself; “Here we go again”.

Emile Harang was the spitting image of Louis de Funès the actor; he had the same voice, mannerisms and his same outrageous attitude. I saw him again at the first hints of the dawn, in front of me rubbing his hands greedily hopping on the spot like a boxer, ready to fight, and he said to me: “Right mate ready to put those pipes into line”.

There was no way on this earth that another plumber was capable of using the same expression, and of course he was working at my house. Where did he get the idea of putting the pipes into line?